A Long Term Investment

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."  1John 4:7 (NIV)

Recently we discussed the difference between having a gardener’s mentality and a consumer’s mentality in marriage. Today we will look at another mindset that is critical to having a successful marriage. I call it having an “owner’s mentality” as opposed to a “renter’s mentality.”

Suppose you were going to rent a house. Before signing the lease, the landlord said, “It will cost $50,000 to repair this house, and you will have to pay that amount in order to lease it.” What would you do? Obviously you wouldn’t agree to that, and neither would I. As a short-term renter, you simply wouldn’t invest that much money in someone else’s property.

However, if you owned a house and discovered that extensive and expensive repairs were needed, it would be a different matter. As the owner, you would have a compelling interest
to take care of the property. You would be willing to make the repairs—you would even be willing to sacrifice to make the needed investment.

I’m sure you can understand how having a renter’s mentality in marriage can be devastating. With this mindset, when you encounter your spouse’s faults, you may begin to wonder if you married the wrong person. When difficult times knock on the door, you will begin to entertain thoughts that the marriage won’t last.

In effect, a renter’s mentality causes you to become passive when your marriage needs the most attention. Your spouse is viewed as the landlord who must fix up the place. And with one foot positioned at the back door, you begin to entertain the thought that another house just might just be the answer. Of course, at that point the devil becomes your personal real estate agent to entice you with a better property next door, at work, or on TV.

It’s easy to understand why an owner’s mentality is needed for success in marriage. An owner’s mentality demonstrates a commitment to the relationship regardless of the circumstances. Rather than being passive about problems and entertaining the possibility of moving, an owner rolls up his or her sleeves and becomes proactive, aggressive, and sacrificial in the face of needed repairs.

With an owner’s mentality, you don’t view your spouse as a negligent landlord. Rather you see your husband or wife as a co-owner of the home. As an owner, you know that your efforts will have a positive impact on the marriage for a long time; therefore, you work, serve, and give whatever it takes. That is the secret to building a great marriage.

Talk It Out | When problems occur in your relationship, do you expect your spouse to do all of the work to make things right, or do you roll up your shirtsleeves and go to work? In your mind, is your spouse a landlord or a co-owner? Talk about the difference it makes in your relationship when you know the other person is fully invested in the success of your marriage.

Walk It Out | Make this a night for foot rubs. Use massage oil or lotion, and give each other a soothing and relaxing foot massage. God bless