Romance For Two

"And now these three remain: faith, hope
and love. But the greatest of these is love.".
1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV).

About ten years ago my uncle Charles died. He was a good man and had a happy marriage of forty years to my aunt Peggy. As I was preparing to do his eulogy at the funeral, my aunt told me that he wrote her a new poem every day before he went to work and left it on the kitchen table. Wow!

Obviously, he understood the importance of keeping their romance alive on a daily basis.

One of the biggest misconceptions in marriage is that romance can be infrequent and a marriage will still stay strong. No relationship can be maintained solely through the right chemistry or the idea of being “soul mates.” A strong relationship is the product of developing the right relational habits and exercising important skills that help build and maintain a strong marriage.

So let’s talk about what romance is and what it isn’t. When you are romantic, you communicate a unique value to your spouse. It’s an action that says, “You are on my heart and I care about our relationship.” Romance means meeting an unspoken need or desire. If your spouse has to keep reminding you to do something special, it takes the romance out of the gesture. It is only romantic if you take the initiative to do something that your spouse will enjoy.

Also, a romantic gesture must be in a “language” your spouse understands. This is where many men and women make mistakes. Romance for a woman means physical affection without sex. It also means verbal affection—a lot of meaningful conversation. Meeting her relational needs in a
patient and caring manner is very romantic to a woman. Sex is not the primary issue for her. When she is sexual, it is in response to her emotional needs being met.

Romance means something very different for a man. He doesn’t need candlelight dinners and long walks to be romanced. There are two essentials elements involved in romance for him: honor and sex. A naked cheerleader is a perfect solution for his romantic needs!

The important thing is to communicate value and respect to your partner while demonstrating a servant’s spirit. The more you romance your spouse, the more passionate and healthy your marriage will become.

Talk It Out | Describe to each other what your definition of romance is. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers; it’s simply your perspective of what makes you feel special and loved.

Walk It Out | Sometime this week, do one of the things that your spouse identified as a gesture that would be especially romantic to him or her. Make sure it’s something that speaks your spouse’s romance language, not yours. God bless.