An Emergency Relief Plan

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but
with many advisers they succeed."  (Proverbs 15:22)

In many major cities, especially in the South, you will notice an emergency designation on main highways that is there to help people flee when a dangerous hurricane is approaching. Local authorities wisely plan before a disaster strikes, because it can save lives and prevent chaos from setting in and creating even more problems than a natural disaster.

Couples also need to have a disaster plan for their marriages. It is almost inevitable that every couple will face an impasse at some point. It could be over the issue of sex, children, in-laws, money, an affair, or any number of issues.

An emergency plan simply means you have agreed together that in the event you can’t work things out as a couple, you will go together to seek and submit to pastoral or professional Christian counsel. Without this, a dangerous dynamic can set in and you will either lock down into a running battle or, just as bad, square off in a cold war.

About twenty years ago, Karen and I reached an impasse in our marriage concerning an issue. We had already decided that if we couldn’t work things out between us we would submit to counseling, so we went to one of the women counselors at the church I was pastoring. We knew her well and both trusted her.

At the end of the session, she sided with Karen. She told me that I didn’t understand the situation properly, and then she tried to help me see a different perspective. Honestly, I struggled with her decision; however, I had decided to submit to her counsel. The case was closed. I apologized to Karen and followed the counselor’s advice.

Looking back twenty years later, it was a crucial point in our relationship. Since then, we have dealt with the same issue many times but have never had a serious problem. Also, in looking back, the counselor was right. I was wrong in the way I was looking at the situation and in the way I was relating to Karen. I am very glad I submitted myself to spiritual counsel.

Like I said before, I believe almost every couple will face an impasse at some point in their marriage over an issue that can threaten the future of their relationship. Having an emergency relief plan for your marriage is as important as a hurricane route is for a community on the Gulf of Mexico. It may not happen very often, but when it does, it can mean the difference between life and death—peace and chaos.

Talk It Out | Do you have an emergency relief plan for your marriage? Now is the best time to map out your strategy. Decide on a pastor, leader or professional Christian counselor whom you would both trust, and agree beforehand that you will follow their advice. Also discuss the warning signs that will let you both know it’s time to implement the emergency plan.

Walk It Out | Leave a note in an unexpected place–on the bathroom mirror, on her pillow, or taped to the steering wheel of his car–just to say “I’m thinking of you.” God bless