Building Trust

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days
of her life."  Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV) 

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:10-12)

Trust is an essential element of intimacy and goodwill in marriage. The more you trust your spouse, the more you can relax when you’re together and open your hearts to each other. This is what makes a “comfortable” relationship. That doesn’t mean comfortable in the bad sense, where you are lazy and take each other for granted. This is comfortable in the best sense of the word.

The rewards of trust are immense. An example is sexual fulfillment. Nationwide polls prove that the best sex isn’t experienced by swinging singles. It is experienced mostly by married, monogamous, religious people.

I believe the reason for this is simple. Even though singles in a casual relationship may share a sexual encounter, the relationship remains superficial and performance-oriented. Rejection is frequent and trust is low, which contributes to decreased sexual gratification. However, in a committed relationship, trust is much higher and sex is better.

Another reward is in the area of communication. When you trust each other, it is easy to share your thoughts without fear and to resolve issues. You communicate on a much deeper level, which brings a sense of intimate friendship.

The benefits of trust in marriage don’t come automatically. The first requirement is responsible behavior. This means that you are careful about how your behavior affects your spouse. It also means that you say you’re sorry and make things right when you do something wrong.

Another important factor in building trust is consistency. If you do something hurtful or irresponsible that damages the trust in your marriage, your spouse’s forgiveness can restore the relationship; trust, however, can only be restored with consistency over time. The longer you go meeting each other’s needs, respecting each other’s feelings and doing the right thing, the stronger trust becomes. Consistency is the key.

Talk It Out | If you have done something to violate the trust of your spouse, make it right. Apologize and talk about ways to create a consistent pattern of positive and responsible behavior.

Walk It Out | Go to a greenhouse or nursery together and pick out a tree or flowering bush. Plant it in your yard or in an indoor container. As you watch it grow week after week, be reminded of the consistency that your relationship requires in order to build deep and lasting trust.
God bless